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Tankar och funderingar i vardagen

Tankar kring livet… och döden.

Ja du…  idag är det den 20 september! Idag skulle vi åkt till Spanien för att bo i drygt 2 månader! Bostad var hyrd och betald….   I stället sitter jag i Stockholm och här är nästan lika varmt som där…  Haha… Så inte för den skull, men ändå! Ali är hos kompisar i utomlands och kommer inte hem förrän om en dryg vecka. C kommer till mig i helgen så det blir bra.

Men annars har jag haft en mental resa den här veckan!…  Det började i måndags, på jobbet. Jag kände mig konstig i kroppen och huvudet värkte och jag blev liksom yr…  mådde lite illa, fattade ingenting. Trodde först bara det var lite huvudvärk, men det blev konstigare och värre vartefter dagen gick. På natten blev det svettningar och jag kunde knappt sova alls, fast samtidigt var jag oerhört trött och somnade hela tiden, men vaknade efter någon halvtimma igen….  Hela natten. Så på tisdagsmorgonen ringde jag mig sjuk till jobbet, och sen låg jag likadant hela tisdagen, hela dagen, hela kvällen och hela natten! Onsdagen fortsatte på samma vis! Jag höll på att bli tokig! Vad var det här för underlig sjukdom? Varför blev jag inte snuvig? Varför fick jag inte ont i halsen?   Först var jag så klart inne på den gamla vanliga förklaringen, nämligen att jag ju var så himla trött på allt. Framförallt på att gå till jobbet!… Att det var det ”mentala” som spökade igen. Sen började jag på allvar tro att jag kanske fått en hjärntumör! Fick för mig att jag känt så här förut också, fast inte i flera dagar… Fantiserade om hur jag skulle kunna dö av mig själv och inte lägga bördan på C eller Ali …  Och då var dom gamla tankarna tillbaka i huvudet igen,. Många, många år sedan sist… Men just det här med att – hur tusan tar man livet av sig själv? Det är verkligen inte enkelt. jag fantiserade på olika sätt, men kom inte riktigt fram till nåt. Så himla jobbigt att måsta bli så djävla sjuk och inte få dö undan allt! Fy tusan, Nej! Jag orkar inte! Ligga som ett djävla kolli och bara vänta på att på tyna bort. I värk och se hemsk ut. Och tänk så jättejobbigt för dom andra! Jag vet ju…. Har varit med om detta. Det vill jag verkligen inte göra mot någon!  Men, hur fan gör man? Jag hittade inget sätt den här gången heller…. Vet att jag funnit sätt i min ungdom som jag tänkt skulle kunna funka, men inte nu… Nej, jag är för feg idag. Skulle inte våga det. Men, som skönt var nu, så blev jag ju frisk igen! 🙂 Faran över för denna gången också!

Men jag vill verkligen inte jobba mer! Nej, nej, nej! Livet är för kort! Det rinner snabbt undan! Jag vill ha det lugnt och fint nu, ha kärlek och leva med Ali och barn och barnbarn. Få komma till ro någon gång! Strunt samma att vi inte kom till Spanien, men nu har vi i alla fall pratat om att flytta ihop så snart jag slutat jobba, se hur vi klarar det! Jo, jo…  ! Det måste funka nu! Jag orkar inte nåt annat. Jag ska se till att det fungerar! Och han också. Vi är helt överens om detta. Jätteskönt. Om vi bara kommer dit någon gång…  Inte för att jag vill att tiden ska springa iväg med min ålder, och hans också för den delen 😉 , men jag vill inte jobba längre! Hjälp…! Ta mig bort ifrån det där tråkiga jobbet nån gång!!!

Ja, men så i onsdags, sent på eftermiddagen, så pratade jag med en kompis. Då sa hon att mina symptom stämde väl överens med hon själv haft veckan innan, likväl som hennes dotter och sen ytterligare en kompis till henne! Va? Hade dom mått på samma sätt? Jodå, det stämde allt det. Åhhhhh….! Vilket otrolig lättnad! Jag blev frisk nästan i ett nafs då! Haha…! Tänk så man kan inbilla sig och oroa sig när man inte pratar med nån! Det är faktiskt sant. Huvudvärken släppte nästa på en gång efter samtalet! Det var som en otrolig befrielse! Såååå himla skönt! Livet återvände! Jag hade fått livet tillbaka igen! Haha..! Hurra! Jag kunde börja med att fortsätta drömma om en framtid igen! Ojojoj…  Ja, så kan det bli. Jag blev verkligen varse och väldigt medveten om hur mycket jag ville leva Alis liv… Med alla hans barn och barnbarn, se dem växa upp, få rå om dem och vara barnvakt, invänta C och hennes familj! Jag vill, jag vill, jag vill!!!

Så jag stannade hemma torsdagen också (fredag är jag ju ledig ändå sen), och lagade mat och fixade med mig själv och mådde väldigt bra hela dagen! Tack och lov för att jag lever och är frisk! 😀 Tjohoooo! Jobba några månader till nu bara, sen får det vara bra med det!

Länge leve kärleken!!!

Föregående

Hittat tillbaka till varandra :-)

Nästa

Glögg på jobbet idag

49 kommentarer

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  48. This is awesome news! About your honeymoon and openCV! Hopefully openCV 4 will be built soon after its release. I expect I will try it soon on a PiZero-W with Movidius. I know you recommended a minimal openCV installed for NCS but I have been using the NCS with OpenCV 3.4.2 compiled on Ubuntu 16.04 by building the NCS sdk with the old repo version of openCV, and then creating a python virtual environment and compiling ocv 3.4.2. I then got the ncs api to work by simply copying the mvnc python module to my virtual environment. It seems to work as I”ve pulled together several of your tutorials into a single python script that will use the ncs if one is plugged in and fall back to using the cpu only dnn module if no ncs devices are found or its running on Windows (limited testing so far). I can select using multiple onvif netcameras (my preferred solution now since round robin sampling of multiple cameras is trivial), the picamera module, or a USB webcam. For performance, pretty much need the ncs on a Pi, on an i7 cpu dnn module is significantly faster. On an i3 (windows) the Pi with ncs is about the same as the cpu only dnn. My speed conclusions could be in error if the pre-compiled windows openCV is using gpu acceleration with the opencv-contrib-python version. online pharmacy business model

  49. Åh spännande, du verkar vara den enda som gissar tjej haha Imorgon vet vi! 🙂

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