Tankar och funderingar i vardagen

Time out från C

Jaha, nu har det alltså hänt…! C har tagit time out och vill att vi gör en paus. Hon vill inte prata med mig. ännu mindre se mig eller ha ngn semester ihop…! OK, jag får verkligen skylla mig själv. Kunde inte hålla tyst. Varför har jag så svårt att hålla inne med mina tankar och idéer? Inse och acceptera att andra lever sitt liv och jag lever mitt. Jag struntar i hur folk anser om det liv jag lever, för det mesta i alla fall…  Ibland tar jag åt mig. Men jag måste förstå att jag inte ska hålla på med att försöka påverkar andra! Var och en har ju ansvar för sitt eget liv. Nu har jag sabbat det med C. Det kommer ju aldrig att bli som förut nu. Aldrig mer. För det som hände nu, det har hänt. Kan inte göras ogjort…  Inte bra. Nu måste jag hålla mig tillbaka och låta henne ta nästa steg. Och det kan ju dröja…  Usch vad jobbigt. Men det måste det väl vara för henne också? Både skönt och jobbigt. Men jag minns ju att jag ”gjorde slut” med min mamma, jag också, en gång. Jag var så himla arg på henne och orkade bara inte med henne. Så måste ju C känna nu för mig! Fy tusan också! Dumma mig. Vad ska jag göra nu? Vem ska jag bry mig om…? Får ta detta som en riktig läxa, jag också. Sköt dig själv.!

Ett projekt som jag kan jobba med under tiden detta värkar, är att rensa upp hemma. Jag vill göra om i min bostad och rensa ut gammalt, och in med lite nytt!

Och sen vill jag kunna bestämma mig vad gäller A!!  Jag vill ju med honom. Litar jag på mig själv? Hmmmmm….? Måste bestämma mig snart. Ska jag hoppas på resan i oktober? Jag vill ju….

Föregående

Semesterstängda Sverige…

Nästa

Fortfarande time out med C…

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